“I Couldn’t Help But Wonder…”

In the words of the legendary character, Carrie Bradshaw from HBO’s Sex And The City says, “I couldn’t help but wonder…”

Why is romance so hard to find….especially in the gay world?

I have talked to many, many guys online. Some from different parts of the world. I’ve met my share of men in person. Mostly through apps like Grindr, Tinder, or Scruff.

No one seems to want a relationship. No matter where you look. Some may think they do, but then they realize…hey, i’ll spending the next ever so many years, or possibly the rest of my life with this ONE person. Can I handle that? What if I see someone prettier? What if I get tired of having sex with this one person? What if they get fat and ugly? Everyone I talk to just wants a one night stand, a “friend with benefits”, or someone to join in as a third person in an already existing relationship or marriage.

So, lets take these things one step at a time:

• One night stand- Those are all well and good. However, in my experience…these are not easy to find. First, if you send a person a message, do they even reply? If they do reply, do they think you’re attractive enough? Second, there’s the issue of “Can you host? and “What are you into?” This means, who’s house can this be done in, and what do you enjoy doing sexually? you’re trying to determine if they’re mild to wild, or if this person has a fetish. Good Lord, there’s so many fetishes! It’s sooo hard to deal with. Personally, I don’t have any fetishes. Very, very few people are simple “vanilla”. I steer clear of most fetishes myself. For example: A huge fetish is pee. I don’t mind the occasional “golden shower”(being urinated on) in the shower. But, I do not want to roll out a tarp in the bedroom or living floor and wallow around in it…nor do I want to drink it. I don’t want to be beaten, or choked to the point of seeing Jesus and the pearly gates! I don’t want to wear a diaper. Yes, a diaper fetish…that exists. Next, after the fetish question, you ask are you a top/bottom/verse. You have to agree on which one is going to be the catcher, and which one will be the pitcher. If you’ve gotten this far, you trade body pictures. The gay world is very shallow. Most want a smooth(no hair) skinny guy with a six pack, and a butt so nice you could eat breakfast off of it. Of course then, there’s the issue of the penis…is it circumcised or uncircumcised? How big? After you have jumped through all these hoops, if both parties are still interested, then you can meet up and get down and dirty.  I’ve had a many one night stands myself, but often, I find myself getting attached to the person…especially when i’ve spent a lot of time with the person before or after the intimate time. As i’ve said before, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can’t just have loads of fun with someone and be intimate, only to walk away and quit them…cold turkey.
• Friends with Benefits- With me, this never works. I get too attached. I get jealous if they’re talking to someone else. What if i’m replaced with someone new? What if they find someone that they want to have a relationship with? Also, I don’t want to be used just for sex. I hate being shallow, but if they weren’t attractive…maybe it could work for me.
• Joining in on an existing relationship- This is a no go for me. I want to be the center of attention in someone’s life. I don’t want to share any person with anyone. I don’t want to be replaced.

I’m not saying every gay person out there is like this…but most are. Love isn’t easy to find. Connections aren’t easy to make.

It seems in this age, my age group, “Millenials”(ugh, I hate that term) just wants fun and freedom. Not to be tied down. I understand that, but don’t you eventually want to settle down? Seriously, are we still gonna be hooking up at 65? Or does no one want the house with the white picket fence?